How amusing, yet absurd, is it that people obsess over sex endlessly, and then shame others for the same desires? Do we shame anyone for being hungry, feeling pain, or shivering in cold? Perhaps not, because all of these are classified as natural bodily needs. But when someone talks openly about our sexual natures, suddenly it is as if they’ve said something alien. Sexual desire may be considered one of our basic needs. So why do so many of us feel uncomfortable while even reading this? For many, discomfort is the most common mindset—whenever we hear the word ‘sex’ or anything close to it, people tense up.
Our western society has tied sexual desire to so much guilt and shame that people forget it’s one of the most intimate, joyful, and spiritual acts of bringing life into the world, not some rare lightning bolt that strikes only a few. Most everyone experiences desire, yet once that reality is discovered in someone else, many of us judge others harshly for the same need we have ourselves. In a world where men are encouraged to seek sexual adventures, while women for the same behavior are many times shamed—you have the very definition of the sexual double standard. Although we have advanced to a more dichotomous and even layered reaction to gender and sexual identity, we have not yet embraced the idea of full equality in passionate responses for women.
Oftentimes, when a man admits his sexual desire, he’s daring, bold, maybe even celebrated. When a woman does the same, suddenly she’s reckless, loose, a cautionary tale whispered behind closed doors, or someone with a bad character. Suddenly, having desires is now considered sinful and a measure of being immoral. The same natural pulse of life is twisted into a measure of morality, judged not for its truth but for whose body it inhabits. And so, women carry the weight of shame for what men are quietly praised for.
Feminism and sexuality
The Practical Seductress boldly challenges sexual double standards, showing how women are trapped in an unfair web of expectations. Society demands women to be feminine, nurturing, maternal, caring, and the breeder of a family. But at the same time, it condemns them for expressing their own desires. Even more atrocious is the expectation that women must comply with men’s needs, that they should always acquiesce if a man wants sex, while simultaneously being forbidden from acknowledging or pursuing their own sexual desires. How can that even be possible? If women are not allowed desire, how can they genuinely participate in something so inherently human?
Through her own memoir, Sue exposes the skewed lens through which society judges women. Women are discouraged from talking about sexuality, even in the most basic biological terms. Curiosity, self-exploration, and learning about one’s own body, something that are natural and essential, are instead deemed sinful. From a young age, female bodies are sexualized in all forms of media, yet they are many times denied education about their own bodies, their sensuality, or even the basics of the sexual act. If they try to learn or explore, they are condemned.
The Paradox of Expectations
Within Sue’s memoir, she makes us think about a very important question. Despite decades of feminist advocacy, biased opinions about women’s sexuality persist. Women continue to be expected to have children, be the primary caretaker and nurturer, fulfill traditional societal roles, and remain “good” by impossible standards. Sue illustrates this paradox with searing and comical clarity, how women are praised for adhering to conventional gender norms yet shamed for any sexual autonomy.
This book is more than a personal story; it is a memoir of sexual freedom, a defiance of norms, and a journey of self-discovery in the face of stigma. Sue makes us question why women’s sexual freedom is still a taboo, even today. Men are allowed to talk openly about sex, to explore freely, to sexualize others’ bodies, but if a woman expresses desire, even speaks about sex, she may be vilified. Women are expected to suppress all sexual needs yet somehow remain sexually appealing to others. Sue grew up observing how men speak freely about sex, while women were taught to hide or deny their desires.
When women explore their sexuality, it is treated as a moral crime. The emotional fallout lands disproportionately on them because society still views women as the moral gatekeepers. Even the language around affairs is gendered, exposing the entrenched unfairness—men are studs, women are sluts. Silence protects the sexual double standard; speaking the truth dismantles it.
Sue also highlights a dangerous consequence; when men are sexually active, they are considered normal, but if a woman tries to explore her sexuality, she is treated as public property, as if her desire makes her body available to anyone. This perception fuels workplace harassment, assaults on the streets, and personal attacks as society conflates sexual exploration with promiscuity or lack of boundaries. By speaking openly about her experiences, Sue breaks the cycle of silence that has trapped generations of women, reclaiming autonomy over her body, her desires, and her story.
